I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
