I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
