If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
