The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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