omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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