he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
