Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
