the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
