fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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