No, you can still breathe under the balls.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
