well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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