I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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