Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
