Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
