Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
