My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
