If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
