"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
