that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
