Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
