omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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