my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
