The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
