Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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