he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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