Christians are straight up FREAKS
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
