you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
