Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's blow job season.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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