Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
