maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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