and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
