I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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