is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Alive.
So much puke
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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