i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
