ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
