R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
