Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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