he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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