nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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