apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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