they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
