Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
