Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
