If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
