Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
