i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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