Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
