Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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