her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize