im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
