no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
