Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
