tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
