I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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