dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
