glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
