i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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