My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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