haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
