1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
