I puked a lego.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
