It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
