Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize