why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
