Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
