You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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