I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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