get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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