$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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