I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she smelled like a LAN party
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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