your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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