Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
