We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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