There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
