I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i barfeds in our rink
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
