Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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