Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
