bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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