3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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