I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
