i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
